


Smashed Together

by SerMisty



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blue Pearl is mute, F/F, Gen, rated T just to be sure, theorically connected to my other fics about Pearls' Rebellion and Pearls on Earth, this should be angst but isn't written very well so I don't know, why do I always make Pearl cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 08:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6148117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerMisty/pseuds/SerMisty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is an emergency at the Kindergarten. The Crystal Gems and the pearls investigate, and Pearl finds something she never wanted to know. </p>
<p>(the idea of Pearls' Rebellion and Pearls on Earth follows my other fics, "Like a drop of water in the sea", "Going Home", etc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smashed Together

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mix of the sadness from "Keeping it together" and my headcanons. It would be more angst if I could write better in english, sorry.

They are still busy with building the drill and still busy with the pearls that arrived on Earth after their rebellion, but the emergency at the Kindergarten is a priority. They don’t know who or what is causing it, but it needs to be stopped. Immediately. 

The Crystal Gems leave Peridot and Steven at home, putting the second in control of the first. Steven complains, but it’s not a surprise that Peridot doesn’t.  
«I’m a technician, not a fighter» she says, and goes back to tighten a bolt. 

It’s surprising, instead – but maybe not so much – that Yellow and Blue want to come and help. And that a little less than a hundred of pearls from the island offer their services, too. 

«You can’t come with us» Pearl affirms. She went to the island in hope to dissuade them. «It’s too dangerous».  
«We fought a rebellion too, you know» Yellow replies, rolling her eyes, still trying to look like she doesn’t really care. «We know what to do». 

«You helped us a lot» says Aquamarine Pearl from the crowd. «We want to help _you_ , now». 

«Yes!» 

«Exactly!» 

«Let us help, Renegade!» 

«We want to!» 

And Pearl is proud, oh so proud of how much they’ve grown – they _want_ to, – but she can’t shake away the image of all those pearls breaking their gems to flee the thought of what they did and she shivers and she is afraid.  
«We will be okay» Yellow says.  
«You two, maybe» Pearl replies in a whisper, «but them? What if they can’t handle this? What if they break?»  
«Blue and I led them here. It’s our responsibility».  
«No, it’s _mine_ » and it’s hard to keep her voice low when she snarls. «They do it to help me. If they get hurt or something worse it’s going to be my fault, and-» 

Blue interrupts her. She takes her hands, holds them, squeezes them. She smiles, reassuringly but firmly, and only she can say so much with a simple expression. 

Pearl sighs. 

After all, she did help them. 

After all, she did all she could to make them feel like they were enough, and she herself felt enough when she tried. 

After all, wouldn’t it be great to see all the pearls fighting together, showing what they really can be? 

«I’ll give the swords from my room to who isn’t able to summon a weapon» she gives up. «I hope you actually know what you’re doing». 

Blue’s smile widens and she hugs her. The pearls exult. 

***

Garnet and Amethyst aren’t exactly enthusiastic, but they don’t have time to discuss. 

It takes a while to warp everyone to the Kindergarten. Its sight is a news to the pearls: the process of making a gem is kept strictly secret to them. 

(The only thing they need to know is that they are there to serve). 

The pearls shivers.  
«What… Is this place?» comes a murmur, three or four times. They call the Renegade, call Yellow and Blue, confused and scared. 

Blue bites her bottom lip and looks around. She holds her own spear in one hand, similar to Pearl’s, but cerulean. She is one of the few with her own weapon – she is their leader, the one who started this, _she_.  
Yellow, next to her, tightens her grip on the handle of one of Pearl’s sword. 

Pearl takes a deep breath.  
«We all have been made in a place like this» she explains.  
Whispers and murmurs come from the crowd. 

«I swear» Amethyst snorts, «if they start to go crazy, I’ll poof them».  
«No, _I_ will» Pearl replies, and Amethyst glares up to her, surprised. She looks serious and grave. «It’d be less painful for them». 

Yellow and Blue, with almost her same expression, nod. Amethyst too has seen some shattered pearl, so she hums and just drops the argument. 

But the pearls don’t go crazy. They shiver, hold on their weapons, look around; some scratch the back of their neck, some other tries to stand straight. They close their eyes, breathe air they don’t need. They look over to Yellow and Blue and the Renegade and they hold on, they do. 

Garnet walks ahead of the whole group. Amethyst is right behind her, Pearl, Yellow and Blue follows at close distance. At the end, the crowd of pearls walks compact like one individual. 

Only the Crystal Gems notice the machines laying on the ground where they shouldn’t be, the soil moved as it has been walked on recently, the holes strangely filled with dirt. They turn around, share a look. 

There’s silence. 

«What are we searching for?» Yellow whispers in Pearl’s ear.  
«We don’t know» Pearl answers.  
«Liar».  
«No, really. We’re not sure». 

Yellow snorts.  
Blue looks behind her, making sure the pearls are following. She stares at the giant machines and holds on her weapon tighter. She pulls the hem of Pearl’s shirt to catch her attention.  
Pearl turns around. She sees where Blue’s eyes are directed and sighs again.  
«This is why we rebelled» she murmurs. «One of the reasons. Homeworld was killing this planet, just like many others». 

They walk next the red head of a fallen machine. Yellow puts her hand on it, watches her reflection, jolts away.  
«I don’t remember any of this» she says. «I don’t remember being made in a place like this».  
«I have some memories» Pearl replies, and she automatically touches her gem – defective. «They are very confused. It’s… Dark and dark and sounds and then Homeworld».  
«I remember everything!» comes Amethyst’s voice from ahead, but they don’t answer. 

Blue looks up when they walk under another big machine, and there is where she trips. 

Yellow and Pearl catch her by her arms before she falls.  
«Woah! Careful!» Yellow exclaims. «What did you trip on?»  
Pearl looks down.  
She has just the time to see something digging its way inside the ground. 

She stiffens, tightens her grip on her spear.  
«Garnet…» 

But Garnet already knows. She stops, gauntlets appearing on her hands, she listens. 

When the corrupted gem, similar to a snake, jumps out of the ground, Garnet is ready. One punch and the monster is poofed. 

Blue and Yellow jump. The pearls, behind them, let out a short gasp. 

Garnet picks it up and bubbles it. She warps it away and the noises around them suddenly become clear.  
«Get ready» she warns. «They’re here».  
«Who?» Yellow asks, high pitched voice. 

One of the machines ahead of them is pushed to the ground with a rumble, smoke and dirt fill the air.  
From there they appear. 

Corrupted gems and forced fusion, they run and crawl towards them. There are monsters similar to scorpions, snakes, dragonflies, giant bugs; the fusions range from hands and feet to big creatures with arms and legs in casual places, eyes sometimes, all running in different ways. 

(Garnet shakes only a little). 

They are on them in a matter of seconds and it’s a fight. 

Garnet faces the bigger enemies, throwing a punch after another. Amethyst wraps the corrupted gems with her whips and poofs them.  
Pearl, Yellow and Blue are perfectly coordinated. They swing their swords and spears and don’t ever miss a target.  
Blue’s movements are a mirror of Pearl’s. She knows her techniques by heart – she replayed that memory from the Cloud Arena so many times. Yellow’s skills also come from that. 

In the same way the other pearls have learned to fight. They take on the smaller monsters, hands and feet and snakes, they run everywhere and poof the little scorpions that crawl on Garnet’s back and the bugs that threat to snap Amethyst’s whip at every moment. 

They matter, and they smile, because they know. 

When the last corrupted gem finally gets bubbled, the group breaths out a deserved sigh of relief.  
«There were so many of them!» Amethyst shouts, irritated. «Why?»  
«I don’t know» Garnet admits. «Maybe because the Cluster is about to wake up. We should ask Peridot». 

Pearl pats Blue and Yellow on the shoulders and then turns around, smiling. The pearls smile back.  
She opens her mouth to say something, but her words are outclassed by a stronger noise – a scream accompanied by rocks falling, it’s loud, everyone flinches. 

Pillars fall down when the forced fusion passes. Machines are stomped on, the scream cuts through the air. 

The Fusion is gigantic. If they didn’t know the Cluster is still inside the Earth, they could mistake it for the monster approaching. It walks on hundreds of tiny arms and is a little clumsy because of its dimension, but this doesn’t stop it from screaming and threatening to smash the intruders.  
It’s a messy combination of colors, with no immediately visible eyes or mouths. In the middle of its almost cubical body lays its source of life: hundreds of tiny pieces of gems shattered together. 

They watch it approaching almost hypnotized. The Fusion slams against a wall, rocks fall down.  
Amethyst frowns.  
«Hey!» she shouts. «My hole is right there, be careful, you-!» 

Garnet grabs her by one arm and turns around.  
«Run!» 

It’s not common for Garnet to order the retreat, but if Pearl has to think about it, it is an obvious choice now: the Fusion is too big, they need a plan, Garnet wants to protect the pearls just as much as Pearl does.  
She turns around too.  
«Heard that? Run!» 

The pearls don’t need further encouragement. They flee, and quickly Garnet is again ahead the group, guiding them where the warp is. She keeps holding Amethyst’s arm to make sure the purple gem doesn’t think of fighting the Fusion all by herself.  
Pearl, Yellow and Blue follow at close distance. Pearl could be faster – they all know – but doesn’t want to leave them behind, or lose sight of the pearls in front of her. 

The Fusion is fast, too. It keeps screeching and slamming against the walls of the Kindergarten, walking over fallen machines and calling, with its voice, other small forced fusions from the cracks in the walls.  
Two hands fused together jump on Yellow’s shoulder and she screams, but before anything else happens Pearl poofs it with her spear. She gives Yellow a little nod of encouragement.  
Blue, in the meantime, cuts in half two other enemies with a single slash of her weapon. 

The Fusion slams the wall another time and a machine falls down together with half of the pillar itself. The three pearls have been distanced by the rest of the group and Yellow is the first to notice the shadow over them.  
«Look out!» she screams, and she grabs Pearl with one arm and pushes her against Blue. The three of them fall on the ground and two seconds after the machine lands next to them with a loud crash. Smoke and dirt completely blind them. 

Pearl is still on the ground when she hears Amethyst’s voice screaming her name, and then another loud rumble. When the smoke is finally gone, she raises her head and sees: the machine and a big part of the wall have fallen down, blocking the path and separating them from Garnet, Amethyst and the pearls.  
She looks at Blue, makes sure she’s alright. Looks at Yellow.  
«Thank you» she says.  
«What are you thanking me for?» Yellow replies, and turns around. «We’re trapped!» 

They are. Pearl stands up and helps Yellow and Blue on their feet while the gigantic Fusion approaches. It snarls, even if they can’t see a single mouth. Balancing on its hundreds of thin arms, the Fusion overhangs them and everything goes dark. 

«Great» Yellow says, her voice high pitched, her knuckles going white around the sword’s handle. «We’re dead».  
«No» Pearl replies, and she faces the Fusion with pride. «We’re going to fight».  
«Are you _seeing_ this thing?»  
«We can do it». 

Yellow has just the time to roll her eyes and huff, resigned, before the Fusion screams and tries to smash them with some of its arms.  
Pearl grabs both Yellow and Blue and jumps away from its range.  
«Distract it» she orders, and runs in the other direction.  
«What do you mean by “distract it”?!» Yellow calls her, hysterical. «How are we supposed to _distract it_?!» 

Blue apparently has some ideas. She throws her spear with strength, it cuts the air and ends up thrusting into the Fusion’s side. It screams, more annoyed than in pain, while Blue takes out another spear from her chest.  
«You don’t really plan to do this forever» Yellow observes.  
The Fusion turns around, or so it seems, and screeches. It moves towards them.  
Blue throws another spear that ends up in its body, but the Fusion doesn’t let go of nothing more than a hiss. Blue and Yellow draw back until they’re against the fallen rocks. 

«Hey, you! Look over here!» 

Pearl doesn’t give the Fusion enough time to turn around. She has climbed the wall on the other side and now she jumps down, holding tight on her weapon.  
She aims at the center of the body, and she rarely misses a hit.  
The blade of the spear cracks the core made of shattered gems. A part of it follows Pearl on her fall and when the Fusion screams, now, it’s a scream of agony. 

With the core broken, a whole set of arms disappears from one side leaving the Fusion unbalanced. Pearl lands on the ground a few seconds before it, the Fusion falls down on one side and wails the remaining arms unable to get up. 

It cries out. It’s hurt. It’s scared. 

Pearl grins, satisfied, and looks at the colorful gems’ shards scattered on the ground. She picks a bunch of them up, holds them in her hands, touches them.  
They’re sharp pieces, but the surface is smooth. It feels familiar under her fingers. 

Pearl freezes. 

It feels _horribly_ familiar under her fingers. 

Yellow and Blue run up to her.  
«I hate to say it, but you’ve been great!» Yellow admits, audibly relieved. «I got really worried for a second there!»  
Blue’s smile is wide, but it slowly disappears when she realizes that Pearl isn’t listening to them. She keeps watching the shards in her palm, her eyes fixed, her hand shaking.  
Yellow notices it too.  
«You okay? Are you hurt?» she asks, eyeing her quickly to discover injuries she hasn’t noticed at first. Her attention then is drawn to the shattered gems, she takes Pearl’s hand in hers and looks. «What’s wrong?» 

She touches the shards, her fingers jolts away. 

She understands just as fast as Pearl does, but Yellow is quicker to admit it. 

«Oh my stars» she inhales. 

Blue doesn’t even need to touch them. It takes her a look, summed to Yellow’s reaction, and she brings one hand to her chest and steps back. 

Pearl turns her hand upside down and lets the shards fall on the ground. She’s shaking. 

The Fusion screams – the Fusion _cries_ – and the three of them turn around. The Fusion’s body deforms, twitches, her arms wail desperately. 

When the first face appears, the three pearls gasp. 

It’s not a real face, not a complete one. It pushes from the inside of the Fusion’s body, pressing and twisting the skin, as if it wants to come out. It has nothing recognizable but an abnormally big mouth that takes half of the face itself.  
Other faces appear from every side of the Fusion, sometimes without a mouth, sometimes only with a sharp nose, sometimes with the mouth placed outside of it. All the mouths scream. 

Then it’s the turn of the eyes. They open up on every inch of skin not occupied by faces, small pupils all looking down to Pearl. Tears run down and fall on faces and mouths and other eyes. 

It’s terrifying, but none of them is terrified anymore. Just devastated. 

Yellow’s voice is hoarse.  
«It can’t be» she whispers. She runs one hand through her hair, shaking. 

Some of the mouths still scream in agony, but it’s just a faint background. The most of them fall silent for a couple of seconds, only to open up again at the same time and talk, with one voice that has hundreds of different tones. 

 

_RENEGADE!_

 

It’s like the hit of a blade. Blue catches Pearl before she falls down, legs no more able to keep her standing. Yellow puts one harm around her, eyes never leaving the Fusion. 

The faces twist horribly, moving along the skin. The mouths keep repeating the same word over and over, until it doesn’t make sense anymore, until it doesn’t mean anything and it’s just a bunch of letters sharp enough to make Pearl bleed. 

 

_RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE RENEGADE_

 

Yellow’s mouth is dry. 

Even in her worst moments back on Homeworld, she never imagined this. 

«Pearls» she murmurs, she tries to justify herself even if nobody is blaming her. «They’re all shattered pearls, I didn’t… I didn’t know. I _saw_ pearls being taken away to be broken but I never _thought_ , how could I, _why_ -» 

The Fusion seems to understand, because it interrupts her with a violent scream that makes them flinch. Then, again, the mouths talk together and the eyes cry. 

 

_PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT_

 

They don’t need anything else to have a clear view. 

Pearls found to be preparing a rebellion, found to admire the Renegade. 

Pearls being taken away, broken. 

Pearls being feared. 

Pearls being smashed together because they dared to hope for something more. 

Pearls losing themselves before they could even begin to search. 

Blue slowly shakes her head, eyes full of tears, bottom lip trembling. How low can Homeworld get? Could she have done something to prevent it? How could she have never noticed something was wrong, _horribly_ wrong, worse than it had ever been? 

She searches Yellow’s hand with her free one. She finds it, holds it. 

The Fusion keeps talking, alternating the two words. 

 

_RENEGADE RENEGADE PUNISHMENT RENEGADE PUNISHMENT PUNISHMENT RENEGADE RENEGADE PUNISHMENT RENEGADE RENEGADE_

 

Pearl holds on Blue and Yellow’s arms, her grip too tight, they don’t complain. She doesn’t realize she’s crying until hot tears stream down her face.  
«I’m sorry» it’s just a whisper, but it’s loud and heavy at the same time. «I’m sorry, I’m sorry». 

The Fusion falls silent. Only the mouths that cry in pain are audible. 

«I’m sorry» Pearl repeats, again and again, her little body shakes with sobs. 

All the pearls she left behind, they’re there. 

All the pearls that believed in her, they’re there. 

All the pearls that she never came back to help, they’re there. 

All the pearls she could have saved, they’re there, and it’s her fault, and Pearl feels the pain of every single one of them. 

«I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry». 

The Fusion opens and closes its mouths, as if it’s not easy to articulate hundreds of voices. 

 

_KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL US KILL_

Blue and Yellow gasps. Pearl keeps crying, bends down, tired, exhausted, shakes her head.  
«I can’t, I can’t, I’m sorry, I-» 

(But she already killed them once, didn’t she?) 

Eyes and mouths and faces on the Fusion vanish. One single giant mouth appear in the middle of its body, and it’s a unique voice that screams, loud, horribly loud. 

 

_**KILL US!** _

 

And Pearl jumps. 

She takes her spear out, jumps in the air and thrusts it right in the core of the Fusion. It cracks. 

The Fusion screams – but is that pain or desired relief? – and then explodes in a cloud of smoke. 

Pearl falls down, but can’t keep standing. She kneels on the ground. Around her, gem shards fall from the sky in a colorful and terrible rain. 

Pearl holds her chest with one hand, feeling like it’s going to explode just like the Fusion did. She bends, cries out. 

«I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry». 

The weight of Homeworld seems to fall on her back, Pearl hides her face behind her hand, tears escaping and sliding down. She can’t keep her eyes closed – all those faces dance in the dark of her mind – and so opens them, wide, watching the void through her fingers. 

«I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry». 

With a last punch and a loud rumble, Garnet finally succeeds in open a gap between the fallen rocks that block the path. She and Amethyst immediately look over.  
«Pearl!» Amethyst calls. «Guys! Are you okay?» 

They’re not, clearly. Yellow and Blue are too shocked to move, and Pearl sits on the ground sobbing, surrounded by broken shards that can’t be recognized so easily now.  
Yellow shakes a little, turns around. She opens her mouth and she would say it, oh, she would explain if there were enough words to express what they saw, but Blue takes her hand and gently shakes her head, a river of tears along her cheeks.  
She points at the pearls that are murmuring behind Amethyst and Garnet, confused and worried, and Yellow understands. 

They can’t bare it. 

After all that happened, the pearls could never bare it. They would go crazy, they would run away, they would shatter themselves. They would go back to what they have barely left. 

And this is something that _Pearl_ couldn’t bare. 

Yellow isn’t sure Pearl can handle what just happened. Yellow isn’t sure if Blue and herself can handle what just happened, what they heard, what they saw. 

But they’re going to be the ones to carry the burden, and nobody else. They’re going to make sure they can handle it. 

She sighs, turns around again, doesn’t say a word. 

Blue walks over to Pearl, slowly, almost as if her constant apologies directed to the void could hang to her feet and slow her down. She kneels next to her and hugs her, tight, for the both of them. Their tears mix.  
Yellow hesitates, but then reaches them too. She first puts one hand on Pearl shoulder, but when a sudden sobs shakes her own chest she kneels and hugs her. 

Sharing the burden, so that it’s not too heavy. Holding the weight on all of their shoulders. 

Garnet and Amethyst look at each other, puzzled. The pearls are confused too, but slowly they start to move. They walk forward, one by one, and they don’t know, they _can’t_ know, they _won’t_ know, but they surround the three pearls kneeled on the ground and put their hands on their shoulders and stay there. 

They stay. 

They support. 

They believe. 

Pearl’s apologies eventually stops and only tears remains. Not a single pearl leaves their sides until those are gone, too. 

Pearl holds Blue and Yellow’s hands, tight. 

The weight, like that, feels a little lighter.

**Author's Note:**

> (oh my god I'll write fluff after this)


End file.
